Duke nukem forever review1/8/2023 ![]() If you’ve been following Duke’s development all these years, the campaign is worth a look. Always trust the words of your game character, developers. Duke even goes as far to say, “I hate valve puzzles” during a minute-long valve-turning sequence. I could have done without the swimming, and some of the puzzles along the way seemed to be inserted just to slow me down. From this stage on, it stays largely entertaining – not solely because of Duke’s sophomoric attitude, but respectable level designs that offer variety and a few killer set piece moments. The game picks up again at the The Mighty Foot level, a sprawling wild west setting that Duke navigates in a monster truck. The game’s unbearable load times (roughly 30 seconds to a minute every time you die or load a new area) seem so much longer during this stretch. The three to four hours following the introductory sequence are a rough ride. The gunplay feels decent, and the weapons are tailored nicely to most enemy encounters, creating unique, balanced fights that are occasionally transformed into laughably bad circus acts due to AI pathing issues and unintelligent tactics.ĭuke starts with a bang (I’ll never forget my time with the toilets), but quickly ditches its immature antics and descends into a tailspin of questionable puzzle design, uninspired vehicle sections, and mundane level architecture. Most of his other weapons fall into the standard FPS mold (shotguns, rocket launchers, machine guns, etc.). When he gets into a bind he can eat steroids (complete with crazed Jose Canseco vision) or summon a holographic version of himself to confuse his dim-witted pig cop foes. He can freeze or shrink enemies and crush them with his boot (which is worth a chuckle every time). He’s equally amused by pop culture references and his private parts, which I learned far too much about in this game.ĭuke’s selection of weapons mostly consists of his bag of tricks from the mid ‘90s. He still looks exactly like Dolph Lundgren, and although he makes it apparent that he follows today’s celebrity news and has seen Team America, his dialogue mostly harks back to classic ‘80s and ‘90s films like Robocop and Army of Darkness. The most dated part of this experience is Duke himself. Moreover, many enemy encounters are scripted events, timely checkpoints are scattered liberally throughout stages, and gameplay variety is offered through vehicle and rail gun sequences. Duke has regenerating health (yet at one point he mocks Master Chief), and surprise surprise, he can only wield two weapons at a time (just like Chief). The game’s design also appears to be based exclusively off of modern FPS blueprints. Sure, the texture work on Duke’s middle finger could look sharper, and the strippers' robotic animations make me wonder if these women have ever danced before, but the game occasionally spits out a lumbering boss worth marveling over or an environmental explosion that dazzles the eyes with large-scale physics-based carnage. With development stretching back over 12 years to a time when PC gamers were first introduced to Half-Life and Unreal and console players were realizing that first-person shooters had a bright future on their favorite machines, Duke Nukem Forever doesn’t look dated. These actions are juvenile and unnecessary but, in the eyes of someone who loves South Park and is easily amused by crude humor, exactly what I was hoping to get from a new Duke Nukem game. In Duke Nukem Forever’s introductory sequence, I drained my weasel, grabbed poop out of a toilet and threw it into the face of an EDF soldier, drew a giant p***s on a dry erase board, and engaged in sexual relations with twins.
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